Making Peace

Take peaceful action, encourage peaceful action, and find a new beginning.

How do you begin to make peace in the midst of an argument, or after a long-standing dispute or disagreement? How feasible is making peace to you, at this moment, given all the circumstances, including the receptiveness of the other party? How can you remain open and invested in making peace throughout the process? When will you know that peace is made?

Perspectives

The Oppressor and the Oppressed Must Both Be Liberated, by Nelson Mandela, anti-apartheid political leader and the first president of South Africa in 1994

"I always knew that deep down in every human heart, there is mercy and generosity. No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite."

Trauma to Peace, by Brock Travis, professor, counselor

"I had long felt that part of my job serving wounded warriors was to help them resolve the crippling sense of guilt some carry for the part they may have played in harming others."

Peace Begins With Peaceful Actions, by Jan Willis, professor

"Sharing this tiny planet amidst a vast universe, we are all interconnected beings, incapable even for a nanosecond of complete independence. Yet we conduct our lives as though we each possessed complete and ultimate control of our individual, isolated universes."

Citations about making peace from religious texts

Action

Make peace today.

Think about both peaceful and discordant relationships in your environment today. In the peaceful ones, what is being exchanged, that feeds this relationship? In the discordant ones, what is missing that needs to be exchanged?

Focus on a relationship where the two of you are attacking each other, or the opposite, you deliberatly avoid each other.

Make a list of your actions and thoughts that perpetuate the disagreement.

Are you the same person now as you were before the disagreement? it is more likely that you have shifted, at least in some small way. How likely is it that the other person is also a different person? Reflect on how your life and the life of the other person may have shifted since the beginning of the disagreement. Ask yourself how closely these actions and thoughts you are now having really reflect what is happening today in your relationship, who the two of you are now. To what extent are these thoughts and actions simply habits you are carrying over from when the disagreement started?

Ask yourself if the thoughts you have are true to the current state of things. Are the actions you are now taking fair? Consider letting them go, or adjusting them so that they seem more appropriate to the current state of things.

Imagine the time before the disagreement. What interactions happened that don't happen anymore? Do or say one of them now, observe the other person's reaction. How can you continue to promote peace from now on?