How to Deal with Negative Self-Talk,
by Jack Canfield, entrepreneur
I'd like to share five of the main types of negative thinking that people do, so you can recognize them when they happen and then consciously choose to replace them with something more positive.
The first is called Always Or Never Thinking. This is when you find yourself thinking in terms of "always," "never," "every time," "everyone," "no one," and so on. For example, thoughts like, "I will never get a raise" or "Nobody cares about me" or "I always screw up, no matter what."
This type of thinking is not only detrimental to your happiness, it's not based in reality. It's not true that no one cares about you, that you will never get a raise. Well, that last one might be true, if you never do the necessary work to get a raise, but then you're the one who is creating that situation, which means that you can change it. It's not an absolute given.
Now, the next type of negative thinking is Focusing on the Negative. I mentioned this before. It's when you're so busy looking at everything that's bad in the world, you can't see the good. But, the truth is, life isn't all bad. Just as it isn't all good. It's a combination of both.
There's a positive side and a negative side to pretty much everything, and since you get to choose what you're going to focus on, why not choose to focus on the positive? I promise you, it will have a much better impact on your life and your health if you do.
Now, the third type of negative thinking is called Catastrophic Predicting. This is when you imagine the worst possible outcome in any situation and convince yourself of its inevitability, usually without any real facts to back it up. A good example of this would be that you begin to imagine that you're going to be laid off from work or that North Korea is going to send a nuclear missile and blow up Los Angeles where you live, even when there's no concrete evidence that supports your prediction. Even though the worse case scenario will rarely ever happen, you act like it's just a matter of time, and you let it dominate your thoughts and your actions.
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The truth is we never know what the future holds, and history shows that worst-case scenarios selom come to pass, so why worry about something that hasn't happened yet, most likey never will? You're much better off to simply focus on what is actually happening in the current moment and just stay focused on that, such as the tast at hand.
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Now, the fourth type of negative thinking is a sneaky one. I'm talking about Mind-Reading. This is when you tell yourself you know what someone else is thinking, and it's always something bad. Did you ever find yourself having an argument in your head with someone you imagine them saying all sorts of terrible things that frustrate or anger you, or that hurt you and make you feel ashamed? That is mind-reading. In reality, you have actually no idea what that person is thinking, but you tell yourself that you do, and you let this false belief negatively impact your relationships.
Remember, most likely you aren't psychic. The only way you can truly know what someone else is thinking is to ask them and have an honest converstaion about it. That's also how you form deeper, more meaningful relationships.
Now, another type of thinking you should be aware of is Guilt-Tripping. This is when you focus on everything bad you've ever done, everything that makes you feel guilty or ashamed, and you allow that to define your perception of who you are. You tell yourself you're a loser and a bad person, and you don't deserve to feel happy or achieve the success you long for, and so you give up before you even begin.
I've seen people waste their entire lives because of their feelings of guilt over something they did decades ago. Maybe it was they had an abortion, lost a marriage due to their alcohol or drug abuse, created a traffic accident, lost soldiers under the command of battle or spent time in jail or convinced themselves that someone else's death or suicide could have been prevented, if they had only acted differently.
The thing is, everyone, including me, has done things they regret. You shouldn't allow that to define you. You have also done a lot of really great stuff in your life. If you focus on the good things and start to see yourself as a fundamentally good person who has made some mistakes, but is also capable of achieving great things, you'll open yourself once again to a life of unlimited possibility.
Now, here's your homework to complete after wathing this video. Begin to listen to how you talk to yourself, and how you talk to others. Do you focus on the negative and assume the worst? Are you constantly tearing yourself down? Do you think in terms of always or never? Do you assume you know what other people are thinking without checking it out? Every time you catch yourself thinking a negative thought, simply say the words silently or out loud, "cancel, cancel." You're telling your subconscious mind to cancel that. And then consciously shift it into a positive thought instead.
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from a YouTube video: